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Friday, February 18, 2011
12:18 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - How sad
Hits: 11308
I came on sl today, not sure why. Most interesting thing here is the blogs.
@Skitty: I have seen you drunk, you don't handle it well.
@Shiberry von Shikkinheimer: Post more, the bloggers need it.
@Everyone else: Haha, fail!
(Bro/ken)
Saturday, January 29, 2011
02:37 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - So bored.
Hits: 12747
A rant of things I realized Kris ruined for me:
-tacos, I never eat them now
-sparks movie theater, I go elsewhere now
-Cartoons, I just...cant do it anymore
-Music, a good selection of music I related to people that hurt me, ended up becoming bad omens
-The whole "complete my heart" crap
-Bus #11
-Some other crap I am forgetting, haha.
-------------------------------------------
I began writing again. Poetry, songs, and stories. I lost that spark for a while, but it came back. :] At least the few I care about appreciate it (or are great liars.)
---------------------------------------------
I'm old. I realized today, seeing high school kids do their childish antics, that I no longer fit into that crowd. Now, I am just...old.
(Bro/ken)
Friday, January 28, 2011
03:00 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - Food...
Hits: 12758
I came to realize, when I was at my mother's house as a teen, I ate terribly. But I was a worthless stoner, and didnt care.
When I was with Kris, It got worse...far worse. Happens when you cook to the tastes of common small children.
Since then, I have learned to appreciate real food again. And with that, junk food has become a plague.
I went to lunch with a co-worker yesterday; Wendy's in fact.
I had a double Jr. bacon cheeseburger...it made me sicker than hell. Since then, I have came to realize, my body felt terrible for a long time, due to the abuse I put it through.
Now, I shall do all I can to rebuild~
-Current loss 30-35lbs
-Current gain, bench press more than 2x as much
Goals
-30 lbs more
-Bench 300 comfortably~
(Bro/ken)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
05:12 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - The end is extremely fuggin' nigh ;]
Hits: 12066
We the ancient are passing on. SL is no longer fun to those that have done it all. [which, I pretty much have accomplished my goals except total sell-out]
As for Mr. Darshin, I dont see a purpose in staying. I just need my phone to get turned on. God, how they dont like it when you suddenly stop paying them, lmfao ;]
As for the suicidal cat lady, I want meh blankets. 'tis a cold winter and me bed buddy doesn't like to share, yahargh.
I will bug the Mike kid to bug you, so you don't keep forgetting. :)
As for my few SL friends, sorry I am just...not here xD
As for me, I am...me :]
(Bro/ken)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
11:40 pm UTC - Stonewall Jackson - The New(ish) me
Hits: 10282
Well, status update.
I no longer have the eating habits of a seven year old, and am back to actually eating real food :) I also have been much more outgoing.
As a result, I have lost 25 lbs (need to lose 25-40 more x.x)
Once I lose this big ol' belly and get my chest and arms built out, I will be satisfied for a while. I am not vain, I just want to look decent ;)
Love life is all over the place in the last half a year, haha. Never thought I'd be sucked into the drama pool of young adult events, but I was. Hopefully what I want will come my way these days :)
Jobless, seasonal job is over. Sucks. Need a good job, so I can be stable. Won't throw it away on a pipe dream this time. I REALLY should learn to listen to good advise, haha.
Living with two of my best friends. It feels SO good to have them back in my life. I recently realized how much I gave up in the last couple years.
Music; my love for music has never been stronger. if I didn't hate douchbags with guitars, I'd learn to play. I need a unique instument or musical hobby. As for now, just a loving listener.
Raves; Still havent gone to one since I have been back, but I have a rave crew again, now I just need money.
Partying; drink from time to time, no drugs. Doing good :) It was good to get the people who got me into drugs out of my life~
Uhhh, thats all for now <3 Love ya guys.
(Bro/ken)
11:25 pm UTC - Stonewall Jackson - A silver spoon in thier asses
Hits: 10286
I am BEYOND sick of all these overprivalaged whining little freaks, who have everything done for them.
"I can't afford my new purse because my broker won't let me liquidate more than 5k a month from my stocks."
Piss off, rich kid. You blow 5k in a month, work a part time job just to please the family, drive a brand new car, and think you have problems?
One day the people of this world will open their eyes to what's really going on.
As for me, my seasonal job is over, back to jobless and broke. Phone shut off again, only able to text/net through wifi when it is available. (I hate McDonalds, but they have Wifi :D)
Also, back to living with my friend, but, she has been amazing to me, so I cannot complain. Sad how everything had to happen to make us all open our eyes to who we were, eh?
As for Kris, wheres my blankets? I miss them D:
(Bro/ken)
Monday, January 10, 2011
09:36 pm UTC - Stonewall Jackson - Retiring Soul Slinger
Hits: 8944
Haha, 'tis I, the infamous Levi. Known mainly as the SL salesman and account broker.
Well, that is coming to an end. The stock is running dry. I had a good run, but I am close to done.
Well over $1000 made, some amazing people gained, SL has been a good void filler for a while.
As it is, Zimzam is the only account I plan to keep. From there, the rest is to be sold. Once all sellables are gone, the rest will be gifts, or deletes.
(Bro/ken)
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
01:27 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - A random thought...
Hits: 9499
We hear the term light year often, yet nobody really thinks too deep about what it means. The distance in which a single beam of light will have travelled in one year.
Besides the sun, we are rather far away from the stars in our vast universe. The next closest is Alpha Centauri, located about 4.37 light years away.
This means, if you are gazing upon the light of AC, you are seeing the light as it was over four years ago. This doesnt seem exactly grand, however, that is at the lowest end of distance.
The farthest star, we as humans claim to have traced, is 10.4 million light years away. (Using good ol' hubble.) Now think to a star, say, 50,000 LY away. We are seeing ancient light, from 50,000 years ago.
That means, we are seeing a record of the past, to an object that may no longer even exist.
Alan Parsons Project briefly touches this point in a song I rather like, and today, I expanded that thought.
Interesting to you? It is to me
(Bro/ken)
Monday, December 27, 2010
07:55 pm UTC - Stonewall Jackson - Watch me...
Hits: 9853
Watch me smoke, watch me drink
Watch me forget what I think,
Watch me fall, watch me scream,
Watch me kill my every dream,
Watch me fail, watch me cry,
Watch me as live shoots on by,
Watch me crumble, watch me hide,
watch me kill what I feel inside.
Watch me party, watch me run,
Watch me now, isn't this fun?
--
Drugs are only fun for those that can't feel the light <3
(Bro/ken)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
10:35 pm UTC - Stonewall Jackson - Neo-Rant v. 2.1.5
Hits: 11962
Well, it has been a while since I showed up on the SL spam blogs... and huzzah, I was mentioned. Never thought the one known as Skitty would refer to me by an online alias, but alas, that happens when people drift so far apart.
Things have changed, yet it is all the same. If you do not care to see my thoughts in text, cease reading....NOW.
--
Well, a little background for comparitive reasons. I joined SL years back, while looking for anime RPG's to fill my time. SL became a great void filler for those countless worthless hours in my life that were seldom spent doing anything productive.
At the time, I was a stoner. Jobless, free money from the government, a worthless sponge. I was a teenager in highschool, with little more to do than waste his days and nights partying and being stupid. It was a hell of a time no doubt, but I would change it all if I could.
SL did two things I never expected however... it gave me quite a bit of free money, and love.
Yes, like many other of you poor saps on here, I was gullible enough to belive love could be found on this game, and had circumstances been different, it could have very well all worked.
As for the cash, I sold many accounts in my day... now the stock is running dry. The hustler formerly known as Sky is retiring once it is gone.
--
Now for the changes... I became rather inactive for a while years back. Quit several times even. Though a girl who used to be here (kisekichan) and I became close. That ended rather badly when I found out she lied about her age. I then set sights on Skiilove. Not sure why I liked her...must have been how awesome Fini said she was.
Her and I became close way too fast. Suddenly, I was on SL, MSN, or the phone with her all the time. She is the reason I even got a cell phone in the first place.
SL once again became fun, I could compete with her, spoil her, and talk to her on the game that brought us together. Off and on, we both became inactive...why she stayed is a mystery, why I stayed was for her.
Eventually we became true lovers, and in time we lived together. Simple life, small place, lots of fun. Worked real well until fun and games werent the full story anymore.
But, we did what we did and made it work, until I moved away from home for her. In less than 4 months, I went from stable, debt free, and happy to miserable, 40k in debt, and now homeless. (thank [jesus? Buddah? someone] for good friends.)
That is where my last blog took place. She broke my heart, and ruined my life. Whhhaaaaahhhh, woe is me. Me being an emo little bitch about a girl who should have never been there to begin with. I loved her with all I had, and once she returned it. But she was way too young to be planning her eternal love life....we both were. Sadly, it took all of what happened to truly open my eyes to what mattered.
I have always viewed life as expendable. Mine as well as others'....
I came back home, ready to die. I cared about nothing, I had nothing, and my emo-psychotic depression became me. My masks never stronger, my wall never higher, I shut the world away.
That did not last long :)
I found three old friends, ones that mean the world to me. And in their company, I recovered so very fast. Now, I am determined, ambitious, and thriving.
I am homeless, jobless, but I am far from poor. This is very fixable...I did it once before for HER, now I can do it for me.
--
I am a complex person, unlike anyone else. I was truly deceptive, lying even to myself. My life was a dream, with ups and downs. Well...now...my eyes are open, and see you all for what you are.
--
Now, question. Who are you to me? Do I like you? Know you? hate you? The way I see it, maybe 3-4 people left on this game who could read this actually give a damn about me for who and what I am.
As it stands, overall, SL was a bad thing in my life. Though, without SL, I wouldnt have met a few amazing friends, and that is something worth more than idle possessions and statistical bullshit. :)
--
SL has given me:
Brooke, one of the best friends I will ever have
Brad, someone who was there when it did not benefit him
Emi-kins, someone who will listen to my rants. An amazing friend
Skylair, my temporary life coach for a while xD
DarShin, a true friend, even if behind text
Meo and Rai (even though we never talk now)
Noodles, the coolest asian I know
Steph, a girl I miss talking to
Sarah, a girl who sees the world though my eyes
Lanah, a freaking nut case who I adore
And I am sure I am forgetting a few of you. Sorry if I did.
--
SL is a social whore-house/melting pot of nerds. And I once had a strong place here....
(Bro/ken)
Sunday, November 07, 2010
04:43 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - Dreams..
Hits: 8366
Most people don't remember their dreams. And few make sense.
Well I remember mine. Often twisted, painful, and suicidal...and when they aren't like that I actually begin to worry.
I have accustomed to the release and embrace of death for so long, that now I am lost.
I smile. I feel. I live. And I cant say I like it at all. My masks were beautiful. They kept me safe, they kept me whole.
And now, open to the world, I feel vulnerable.
(Bro/ken)
Sunday, October 03, 2010
11:39 pm UTC - Stonewall Jackson - The sadness...
Hits: 8816
Well, Things are worse now.
It seems, I am the only one who cares that all I have done is dying.
I put all of my faith and passion into another person. I gave up my family, I ignored all my friends, I spent every dollar I had, just to make sure she was okay.
And, when things were fun, we were perfect.
But as soon as it was time to grow up, and things required work, she just shut down.
And the more she shut down, the more I shut down.
It came to where she was falling apart, yet hid it from me.
She bottled it all up until it was too late.
And now, she acts as though none of it ever mattered.
(Bro/ken)
Saturday, October 02, 2010
04:07 pm UTC - Stonewall Jackson - The happiest days, and the darkest feelings
Hits: 8952
Well, once upon a time is seemed Kris and I (CSJ and Skiilove) were the happiest of couples. And for the longest time, that was true.
We woke up, to continue conversations, that only ended due to a need for sleep.
There were times we talked for hours, about absolutely nothing, and we were both happy to just be together in that moment..
We met around March of 2008, and love struck rather fast. I saved more money than I ever had before, and in July 2008, I flew half-way across the US, into the unknown, to spend my birthday week with her.
It was paradise. No cares, no worries. Just, love and happiness. We ate whatever, did whatever. We just, existed as one. Even now, the pictures of her smiles from then warm my heart, and bring me to want to cry. Something I just do not do.
From there, it seemed we only got stronger. Now it was fighting to be together long-term.
And in the early summer of 2009, it happened finally.
Kris hopped on a plane, flew halfway across the country into the unknown, to come to me. And at that moment I thought, "Today starts the rest of my life."
And it did from there on. She became my focus. My everything. And I guess I became to the point of a loving obsession. This served us both well for months, with little drama.
However, she hated Nevada. She hated my stupid friends, the town she didn't know. I was the only thing there for her. But it still worked.
It was holiday season of 2009, when we became less active. We quit going out as much, and became...boring. The days kinda blended together, and rarely was there an exciting joy. This is when I made my first grand mistake, trying to figure out what was wrong.
Kris doesn't express emotion or communicate like most. She bottles and stores things, never expressing them. And it causes her to form ill feelings over time.
But, there was hope. Things picked back up, as the winter passed. We spent the holidays together, and life continued on.
Around February, ( i think ) her brother got in a fight. Got his face hit rather badly, and the picture struck emotion in Kris. She was pissed. And showed it without issue.
Meanwhile, I was still sore everyday from work, and we just...leveled off.
Then March hit. The month where everything really crumbled.
I remember, she was told her brother got hurt. I went out to make dinner, and came back to her crying like I had never seen before.
Turned out, her brother was in a fatal car wreck. And from there on she wasn't the same.
She left for spring break to go for his funeral and whatnot. In that time, she partied, acted stupid with her old friends, and ignored me. Not that I can really blame her.
I just wanted her back. Weeks without her did not do me well. Then, and now, I tend to feel like a lost dog without direction.
And, she did come back. And it seemed happy and hopeful, to me at least. How she felt at this point, only she knows.
It was not long after, she told me. There was a new plan. Her father wanted the family together, and she was moving to Texas.
She seemed rather upset when I said I wouldnt go.
I questioned every aspect of it. Jobs? Plans? Where? When?
Her vision, it happens, it will work out, just let it.
After that, it was, as soon as school ends, she is gone.
I knew if I didn't go, I was losing my love, my life, and all I had worked so hard for.
Even knowing I hated Texas before coming here, and full of questions, I quit my job, gave all my stuff away, and got ready to go.
June 26th, 2010, I left Reno on a train, thinking "Today starts the day of the rest of my life."
And I was scared, but I had hope. And we seemed good. I had to adjust to new people, and new things. First night in Texas, I got really drunk, rather stoned, and felt awkwardly out of place. But It seemed okay.
As the days passed, however...they weren't. Her dad had little nice to say, and his words are what really ended us.
He kept telling me we would fail, she needed help, and discussing a sad past, that Kris didn't wanna remember.
The more Joe (the dad) explained, over and over, the sadness in her family, the more questions I asked myself.
So, I started asking her. This was grand mistake number 2. She doesn't like to talk, and when she wants to, she will. My need to understand her, made me prying. This caused resentment yet again.
Then, I got sick. My appendix flared, and I felt like I was dying (technically I was.) And it so happens, that weekend, Joe wanted to be outgoing.
I was left alone, in terrible pain, feeling like an injured lost dog. This caused one of our very worst fights.
My statement is what started my misery "If I was back in Reno, I would have health insurance, and wouldn't owe this messed up state 35 grand" and so forth.
Joe began hammering down, saying we were worthless without jobs. Drama in the family got worse. And I started really hating Texas. And Kris really started hating me, I now know.
But, we never talked things over. Any time I tried, she went quiet, and it never ended well.
It was soon after we finally got a house to live in. Joe wanted Kris to pick, it was going to be hers afterall. But she didn't care to. She had never lived in a house before, and this was all new and strange.
Just another reason to fight. Joe made the decisions, and we eventually got the house he wanted.
More problems came. My opinions had been shrugged off so many times before. So now, I let them handle everything. The furniture, the design, everything.
And when it wasn't right, Joe blamed me, saying I should keep the girls in line, and I am the man of this house.
Yet I have felt little more than an unwanted guest.
Once I gave up trying, Kris and I pretty much died as one. Our passion ended, and we just kinda...lived.
This state of mind lasted around two months. Bringing us up to date. Once I felt there wasn't a place for me here, I began calling my old work, and making sure I had a place in Reno, just in case. Once Kris learned there was a chance I'd leave, it all got worse.
September was a very strange month. But...blindly...I still had hope. I started trying much harder to find work, but it was too late. Kris had already grown against me. Sept 29/30, we ended. She told me she was done, and it was time I actually left.
And in the past few days, barely eating, and unable to sleep, I have been an emotional storm. I love her. I want to hate her. I want her to be happy. I want her to feel something.
I wake up, and the first thing I see, is her in bed next to me, and I smile for a second, then I wanna cry, knowing, her love died. I feel lost.
I am headed back home to Reno in a week, Jobless, homeless, heartbroken, and more depressed than I have ever been.
And even now, when I try to talk to her, it ends in yelling, and sour emotions.
I have lost my will to fight. I feel deflated, and suicidal. I never should have put so much of my being into something.
I have always known, People like me a lot for a little while. Then they get annoyed and want me gone.
Kris was different, and was my life, but in the end, like everything else, I screwed it up.
(Bro/ken)
Monday, July 19, 2010
05:01 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - The famed "Rick-Roll"
Hits: 10163
Links:
www.1227.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0&feature=youtube_gdata
Lyrics:
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give
(give you up)
(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)
We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
(Bro/ken)
12:44 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - Whale Wars and Nikes
Hits: 10158
Overrated...
(Bro/ken)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
04:59 am UTC - Stonewall Jackson - A soldier's poem
Hits: 10316
The drones of society march.
One by one, two by two
The calls echo the streets
The drones are after you.
Our eyes are open,
Our minds are shut,
We dance like puppets
Until our strings are cut.
Then lifeless we fall,
Useless to the "one"
We fight ever-so blindly
Until our time has come.
Tossed aside we go,
Into the pile we lie,
The only thing we know,
Is that we were sent to die
(Bro/ken)
