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Sunday, September 26, 2010
04:51 am CEST - Crystal Heart KeiruYoru - Tsk tsk
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So.. I finally went to get my permit the other day..
I should've done it 2 years ago.. but I didn't, whatever.
So I go to the dmv and i always thought that tv makes it something it's not by having a million impossibly long lines.. But.. It kinda was like that.
I predicted a small little room where it's comfortable and all that.. but it actually was a bit larger and really did have lines. Well, I was surprised. Though that's besides the point.
I got to the front of the line and got my picture taken and all that after they checked all my work I brought. Then they sent us to another line. Luckily it wasn't that long.. I get to the front and they say that they can't except the little blue card that says i cant get my permit, even though it didn't expire yet.
They said that when the 6 months is up then it WOULD have expired so i wouldn't be able to take the road test for my actual license. I was pissed off. So.. they said I had to take the test AGAIN. So i was even more mad.
I took it right then and there but I hadn't went over the material in 2 whole years. So.. I failed it. :(
But really, I think that my answers were absolutely correct and that they were wrong at outdated. I also did not approve of that testing method which used touch screen computers because it made it so that i could not check over my work at the end and possibly improve my scores.
I have to study up again cause they had some ridiculous questions that I know and that you know you'll never ever see and that people will never ever use such as the hand signals.. So stupid.
Oh well. I have to take the test again this week.. So it's not that bad.
I wonder if there's a limit to how many times you can take it.
I better pass. -_- Or I'll feel friggin stupid.
Keiru Loves You! ...♥ (Maybe)
Thursday, September 09, 2010
12:10 am CEST - Crystal Heart KeiruYoru - School stuffs. XD
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Uhm so today is Wednesday.. And yesterday was the first day of school. I think I looked awesome. XD Only thing is, I was wearing new flats and it gave me a really painful blister like.. on my achellies? I don't know if I spelt that right.. but It was painful. I called my little sister to see if there was room in the car she was going home in and the answer was no. T_T
So after school I ended up walking (limping) home in those painful shoes. I was tempted to just take it off and walk but I didn't wanna risk stepping in glass or something and getting an infection and then dying! >_>
:/ I got like 3/4 there and I just couldn't do it anymore. Lol , I was about to cry. So I called my mom and I knew she wasn't gonna be home but I had to check. She still wasn't there but told me my dad was.. :) So I called him and he didn't answer. I think I called him like 7 times and he answered the 8th time. I asked him to pick me up at the park. You see, the school is about 30 minutes from my house depending on how fast or slow I walk. And because of my limping.. It was a very long and trecherous walk. :O Needless to say, I didn't wear those flats today. And I put a band-aid on my boo boo. <_<
Today was great. I think I looked good today too, but not as good as yesterday. I think this year I'm gonna fail pre-cal. Cause.. I'm like a dunce at math and it's a miracle I even got into that class. I'm not giving up though.. I'm going to try my best but I'm not the type to ask the teacher a question unless I'm really comfortable. My teacher seems nice but it's only the second day. We'll see.
Speaking of "we'll see".. I'm hoping to see my long time crush back in school. My freshman year he moved away to NY. :( But now he's back! But i haven't seen him in school so I figured either he hasn't started yet or I just haven't seen him around. Either way I hope to see him really really soon. :)
Tomorrow there's no school for me so I'll be up really late. :D Partay!
I think I'm gonna watch something on the cw 11 tonight.. About cheerleading. I miss cheerleading so much. :) It was so fun but drama filled.. Ah well. Uhm. I'm excited Vampire Diaries is starting tomorrow. :D
I have this party to go to on Friday.. I don't feel like going anymore but I think I really should. :) I have to start looking into college scholorships.. :) so difficult. I wish everything was free then I wouldn't have to worry. XD
Keiru Loves You! ...♥ (Maybe)
Sunday, September 05, 2010
08:08 am CEST - Crystal Heart KeiruYoru - Angry Venting.
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Alright, so I haven't blogged in an extremely long time.. But I've come to the conclusion that I have to release my frustrations, stress and complaints somewhere. Lately, I've been extremely angry to the point where I can't snap and pretty much any time towards anybody.
The people I hate the most in life, would have to be my family. With the exception of my grandmas. They actually listen to me, though they're about as much help as my parents. (No help at all)
For some reason..My parents don't seem to take me seriously or listen to a word I say. I really don't understand why though, because I've never given a reason for this to occur. Although I'm the oldest out of all my sisters (3) I still get treated like the baby. I have no privacy and I feel helpless most of the time. I usually would rather just get out of the house but I still find myself having to ask permission just to sit on the porch. -_- . Most of the time, I just sit in my room silently all day on the laptop. Because I know I won't be bothered as much. I don't help my sisters with anything and nor do I want to. I have no reason to. I plan to leave out of here as quickly as I can and as far possible.
My parents often compare me to my cousin, who I also hate with a passion. They ask why I can't be more like her, dress more like her or do the things she does. They fail to realize that the reason is them.. They don't allow me to do so with their restricting ways. They insult me frequently and I can safely say that it's almost a daily thing. I can't make up my mind as to what I want, because they can't. I run track but I hate that as well. I only started cause my dad and mother wouldn't leave me alone about it. I'm good at it and run varsity but whatever. I want to get a job, despite what my parents believe, but my track schedule is more important in my mind. The reason for this is because with track I can get a scholorship and finally leave to college somewhere. I doubt highly that I have any type of college fund. And I fear I'll be stuck here for college and forced to stay close to my family, or not be able to go to college at all because of money issues.
My sisters are annoying as hell and I often wish I was an only child. I stopped being an only child perhaps when I was in Kindergarten. Funny thing is, I remember small happy things from behind that time.. My very own room when I was maybe 3 and the exact set up of it.. The Christmas I had.. going to the beach and Halloween parades in New York, way before even preschool years. After my sisters came, I seldom remember or even enjoy moments that should've/could've been happy. Now, our family barely goes anywhere and when we do, I don't have fun cause I'm stuck with people outside of my age group and I either feel like I'm babysitting or that I'm one of the stupid kids that I categorize my sisters into.
I live in a house and am supposed to have my own room but instead somehow I got stuck in a room with my 8 year old sister. The walls are purple, a color I hate and I don't even have a door. I constantly bring up how they promised me my own room away from my sisters when we first moved here from an apartment in 6th grade.. Now I'm into my senior year of high school and no signs of a room of my own or even a door. I don't want much.. but it always seems that when I do want something that it's never acknowledged.
My parents, as I mentioned earlier, don't ever believe me. Even when it's something I believe to be serious. When I confide in them, they make me feel stupid and wrong. They hardly ever consider the possibility that I am telling the truth. An example of this, is when I told them I thought I had asthma. Since I run track, it's strenuous on me on really hot days or sometimes cold days. I literally can't breathe sometimes and just plain old stop in my tracks and crouch down gasping for air/ wheezing. I start panicking from the lack of air and begin to cry. I first experienced that feeling 3 years ago about.. During the cool spring. I felt it again recently, this spring with a friend who witnessed it. I had just finished a track meet that went on until around 6 or 7 straight from school. After the meet, I had another practice, this time for a powderpuff game that was coming up. I was doing an extremely slow jog with my friend and slowed even further by walking. I clasped my hand over my mouth and began wheezing, finding it once again hard to breathe. My friend was scared to death and said she would call for help and though my eyes were tearing up, I smiled and told her not to and tried to readjust my breathing. Even after I brought it up with my parents while my friend was there to testify how true it was, I still was not believed and to this day, I haven't even been checked out for the possibility of asthma. Sometimes I just wish that it'd happen again and I'd pass out or something.. So then they'd believe me.
I sometimes am just at a loss. Wondering what I did wrong to get the treatment I get from my family. Do they not care about me? Am I as useless and lazy as they say I am? Or like often times, do they not understand me and never bother to find out.. I think that's the case. More often than not, I have suicidal thoughts. But I'd never do it. I'm too much of a baby.. :/ I'd rather die than put up with this crap.. And I'm surprised I put up with it for so long without murdering someone, literally. I don't know what to do..but I've lasted this long and hopefully at the end of this year I'll be off to college in a different state and cut all ties with my family as planned. My dad goes on about how one day I'll need my sisters.. And everytime he says it I wanna laugh or hit him. I don't need them and they were never there for me before. I'd have to be an idiot to even consider their help even if I were about to die a painful death all alone and the only way I'd live is if I called my family. I think what he meant to say is.. that one day my family will need me but because of their treatment, I'll refuse to be there.
It will never be the other way around.. ever.
I'm at my happiest when my thoughts are about leaving them behind like what they've done to me emotionally.
Keiru Loves You! ...♥ (Maybe)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
08:50 pm CET - Crystal Heart KeiruYoru
Hits: 13878
Yeah...wellllllll
I'm leaving :P
Keiru Loves You! ...♥ (Maybe)
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
01:49 am CET - Crystal Heart KeiruYoru - Weird habits
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Okay..so my family has been calling me stuff and saying weird stuff..For instance my dad asked if i was punk just cause i decided to put on black nailpolish.. >_> I find that weird..
And my cousin called me emo because i didn't answer her.. It's not my fault i was on the computer.. Then she called me a vampire because i didn't like it when she turned on the lights...of course i turned them back off.. But i did notice that i don't enjoy the light that much..i actually think i cringe when light is on.. hmm.. like .. i enjoy eating in the dark.. and stuff.. oh well! Not my fault..
Keiru Loves You! ...♥ (Maybe)
