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Monday, September 06
03:12 am CEST -
Sacred Fire, Sabyr
- Uncertainty
Hits: 214
Sometimes, it clings to the air like the thick humidity before a storm. I guess I've been feeling uncertain about a lot lately, which would explain why, the past few days, I've been tense. I don't usually get too caught-up in things, so you'll have to bear with me for a while.
I might be moving to Arizona. My dad was offered a promotion, and if he accepts, my family will be packed up and moving out within a month at most. It's not a bad thing, it's just that I've finally gotten a lot of things balanced out here, and I don't want to have to do all the same work over again to right the balance. I have school to worry about, I've already checked out local colleges, and now I have to do it all over again. Plus I need to make sure my extra high school credits transfer over, or I can kiss early graduation goodbye.
That being said, I love Arizona. I lived there for eight years and most of my extended family is out there too. I love the weather, I love the people, and I definitely love the idea of a bigger house. Not to mention my parents could definitely use the extra money. I have three older siblings already in college, and then there's me and my little sister to think about. I just hope I can still see my big sister. She's the only one I would really miss. Not to be cruel or anything, because I do care about my whole family, but my brothers can be extremely difficult. They were always the jocks and I was the nerd, and my big sister kind of always takes my side in arguments with them. She's in an east coast school though, and if we move, I'll probably see very little of her. In the end, I know it isn't my decision to make, but I still worry about it.
Dwell not upon thy weariness. Thy strength shall be according to thy desire.
Sunday, September 05
11:00 pm CEST -
Shikkifujjin
- Sorry person, but your blog is about to get buried.
Hits: 391
I'll make it up to you though!
I dunno how...
Oh, and we never finished playing 20 questions.
ANYWHO!
So, I believe I told you about... registration and working orientation, no?
Well, I ended up working the last two days of registration.
Pretty fun overall. I thought it would suck since when I got there on... Wednesday morning? There was no one there, and I didn't have any work.
But, I ended up finding a friend, and helped her out for the day, and during that time, I discovered that the other people working with me, had been there too.
Yeah... Working registration was actually really fun. I did schedules. It seems super complicated when you get there, but it's like... just following a checklist.
Ask name -> Get Schedule -> Explain it -> Ask about this other thing -> Sign paper/Answer any other questions
And then you're done with that person!
So, the friend I was working with, was the same one I talked about in the last blog. The shoulder-head-forgot to tell someone something person.
The other guy, the one whose name I didn't know was there just hanging out with us.
He paid for my lunch! So, I'm one of the only people there who had a car, right? So, I went and got food from KFC. Now, the guy was starving, and had $10, so he told me that if I brought him something, I could use the change for my own food. So, I had like.. $4 left over after buying his food, and basically got my food for a dollar. It was great.
It was awkward eating and working at the same time though, since we don't get real lunch breaks. And, I had to be super careful not to get Honey BBQ on my white shirt, or my sweater vest, or my tie.
Oh, yeah, I have a uniform for the thing I'm in. It's a white button down, black slacks/dress pants [We weren't doing full formal, so I got to wear black jeans.], and the sweater vest with the thing's emblem/crest/whatever it is on it. The tie was my choice, since I for some reason, like ties, but hate all other dress clothes.
ANYWAYS!
The next day, pretty much the same, except this time, it was junior registration, so I saw a lot more people I knew. And this super creepy guy kept trying to work the table with my friend and I... He didn't realize that we kept telling him we didn't need help because we didn't want him there.
Ummmm... Same deal for lunch, except the guy who paid for me Wednesday had to go to the doctor's for a checkup, so he didn't come, and I ended up paying for my own food...
One of my friends came for her registration, and had to stay for a long time since she had tennis practice afterward. So, when she finished her registration, she came and sat with me, since my other friend had stuff to do somewhere else, and left.
The amount of people coming through after she left was small enough for me to handle by myself, but the creepy guy came back, and this time I couldn't tell him to leave...
Ummmmmm... There was like... 10 minutes where no one was there, and in that time I had my head on my friend who was staying for tennis practice's shoulder, and talking to her. The vice-principal walked by, and looked at us weirdly.
I must confess. Those four days, where I was at school for hours, and away from home were amazing. I cherish any amount of time I can spend not at home. I just don't like putting up my parents' bitching. Or my sisters.
Ummmmmmmm... My older sister was supposed to buy a couple of shirts for me, since I don't have a credit card, but she hasn't done so yet, and she leaves soon, so I need her to do that...
The shirts are really awesome.
One of them is a black hole, eating a solar system. The other is a giant panda attacking a town.
I also really want this one shirt she has...
It's a heart, on the upper left of the shirt, only it's an outline. So, a white, anatomically correct heart on a black shirt. And then a smear of red dripping inside and under it.
Unfortunately, it's not my size. If it was, I'd have taken it when she said I could have it.
I've yet to go back to school shopping... Unless you count when I bought 10 sharpies for $2.20. Fucking amazing deal.
I'm making Chinese food tonight. I love that stuff... Fried Rice, Lo Mein, and this kind of fusion food thingie, that only a handful of people would understand what it is. BUT! To make it, I need vegetables, which we don't have, so I need to go over to the Farmer's Market store/Organic Foods place, or whatever the hell it is. All I know, is that they have delicious plums, and good, reasonably priced vegetables, that are organic.
Ummmmmmmmm... Last night, my friend and I decided to make a bet, on who was loved more by this one girl. We spent the morning deciding on what the prize would be.
I won myself a pudding cup! I tried to get this awesome shark backpack he got from China, but he said it wasn't worth it.
Ummmmmmm... I applied to two more places trying to get a job. Same company, two locations.
I hope I get a job at the place close to my school. A couple of my friends work there, so not only do I have employee recommendations, but I'll be working with friends, and close to school, which means I can head right over there on Fridays after school if I get the schedule I said I can work. [I applied part time.]
I really hate the internet on my phone. It keeps fucking up. Like, I was using MSN from my phone last night, and it kept not sending messages, and receiving messages late...
Oh, in other news. Someone got shot outside my home. Like... If I turn 45 degrees to the right, look out the window and on the sidewalk, I can see where it happened. And, I was here when it happened. Cops had the whole street shut down for hours, and there were a couple of them inside my home for about an hour.
Know what though? Cops are always really nice to you when you're not the one under arrest/in trouble. Like, one of them was talking to me about school and stuff, and we discussed phones for a few minutes [Since he was wondering if we had a wire that connected his phone to a computer, a kind Sprint uses that's smaller than the normal one.], and etc.
ANYWAYS!
I should go get ready, get all the stuff I need to, and whatnot.
So, I'll end this now, even though there are at least... 7 more paragraphs left in me.
See, I got lost in the sound. It was the moment I felt sick, just when I needed it most.
08:08 am CEST -
Sweet Seduction KeiruYoru
- Angry Venting.
Hits: 693
Alright, so I haven't blogged in an extremely long time.. But I've come to the conclusion that I have to release my frustrations, stress and complaints somewhere. Lately, I've been extremely angry to the point where I can't snap and pretty much any time towards anybody.
The people I hate the most in life, would have to be my family. With the exception of my grandmas. They actually listen to me, though they're about as much help as my parents. (No help at all)
For some reason..My parents don't seem to take me seriously or listen to a word I say. I really don't understand why though, because I've never given a reason for this to occur. Although I'm the oldest out of all my sisters (3) I still get treated like the baby. I have no privacy and I feel helpless most of the time. I usually would rather just get out of the house but I still find myself having to ask permission just to sit on the porch. -_- . Most of the time, I just sit in my room silently all day on the laptop. Because I know I won't be bothered as much. I don't help my sisters with anything and nor do I want to. I have no reason to. I plan to leave out of here as quickly as I can and as far possible.
My parents often compare me to my cousin, who I also hate with a passion. They ask why I can't be more like her, dress more like her or do the things she does. They fail to realize that the reason is them.. They don't allow me to do so with their restricting ways. They insult me frequently and I can safely say that it's almost a daily thing. I can't make up my mind as to what I want, because they can't. I run track but I hate that as well. I only started cause my dad and mother wouldn't leave me alone about it. I'm good at it and run varsity but whatever. I want to get a job, despite what my parents believe, but my track schedule is more important in my mind. The reason for this is because with track I can get a scholorship and finally leave to college somewhere. I doubt highly that I have any type of college fund. And I fear I'll be stuck here for college and forced to stay close to my family, or not be able to go to college at all because of money issues.
My sisters are annoying as hell and I often wish I was an only child. I stopped being an only child perhaps when I was in Kindergarten. Funny thing is, I remember small happy things from behind that time.. My very own room when I was maybe 3 and the exact set up of it.. The Christmas I had.. going to the beach and Halloween parades in New York, way before even preschool years. After my sisters came, I seldom remember or even enjoy moments that should've/could've been happy. Now, our family barely goes anywhere and when we do, I don't have fun cause I'm stuck with people outside of my age group and I either feel like I'm babysitting or that I'm one of the stupid kids that I categorize my sisters into.
I live in a house and am supposed to have my own room but instead somehow I got stuck in a room with my 8 year old sister. The walls are purple, a color I hate and I don't even have a door. I constantly bring up how they promised me my own room away from my sisters when we first moved here from an apartment in 6th grade.. Now I'm into my senior year of high school and no signs of a room of my own or even a door. I don't want much.. but it always seems that when I do want something that it's never acknowledged.
My parents, as I mentioned earlier, don't ever believe me. Even when it's something I believe to be serious. When I confide in them, they make me feel stupid and wrong. They hardly ever consider the possibility that I am telling the truth. An example of this, is when I told them I thought I had asthma. Since I run track, it's strenuous on me on really hot days or sometimes cold days. I literally can't breathe sometimes and just plain old stop in my tracks and crouch down gasping for air/ wheezing. I start panicking from the lack of air and begin to cry. I first experienced that feeling 3 years ago about.. During the cool spring. I felt it again recently, this spring with a friend who witnessed it. I had just finished a track meet that went on until around 6 or 7 straight from school. After the meet, I had another practice, this time for a powderpuff game that was coming up. I was doing an extremely slow jog with my friend and slowed even further by walking. I clasped my hand over my mouth and began wheezing, finding it once again hard to breathe. My friend was scared to death and said she would call for help and though my eyes were tearing up, I smiled and told her not to and tried to readjust my breathing. Even after I brought it up with my parents while my friend was there to testify how true it was, I still was not believed and to this day, I haven't even been checked out for the possibility of asthma. Sometimes I just wish that it'd happen again and I'd pass out or something.. So then they'd believe me.
I sometimes am just at a loss. Wondering what I did wrong to get the treatment I get from my family. Do they not care about me? Am I as useless and lazy as they say I am? Or like often times, do they not understand me and never bother to find out.. I think that's the case. More often than not, I have suicidal thoughts. But I'd never do it. I'm too much of a baby.. :/ I'd rather die than put up with this crap.. And I'm surprised I put up with it for so long without murdering someone, literally. I don't know what to do..but I've lasted this long and hopefully at the end of this year I'll be off to college in a different state and cut all ties with my family as planned. My dad goes on about how one day I'll need my sisters.. And everytime he says it I wanna laugh or hit him. I don't need them and they were never there for me before. I'd have to be an idiot to even consider their help even if I were about to die a painful death all alone and the only way I'd live is if I called my family. I think what he meant to say is.. that one day my family will need me but because of their treatment, I'll refuse to be there.
It will never be the other way around.. ever.
I'm at my happiest when my thoughts are about leaving them behind like what they've done to me emotionally.
Keiru Loves You! ...♥ (Maybe)
Wednesday, September 01
04:42 am CEST -
Sacred Fire, Sabyr
- Blag
Hits: 2080
So I've bought blog permission. I guess this is what people do when they've reached an appropriate level and have a surplus of points. Considering I never break character ingame, I guess you can say this is a way for me to expel my thoughts about the real world.
Not much to report on today. Oh, I read The Translator, and I'd really recommend it. It's about the events in Darfur, and I think I'd describe it as "important". It's really an eye-opener, plus it's an easy read, probably even for non-readers, considering even my sister liked it.
Hmm, I might be graduating early. If I decide to, it's not going to be easy. But I already have some extra credits, so not too bad.
Dwell not upon thy weariness. Thy strength shall be according to thy desire.
04:33 am CEST -
Shikkifujjin
- To Twitch
Hits: 2768
From Yourself:
I'm glad to know that she's in good hands. However, I feel that you should've left her behind so that she would be lonely, and miss you.
And I also call being in charge every Thursday. Kay? Kay.
Love you too!
For anyone else who cares!:
Don't worry, I love you all too.
Just in varying degrees.
Except for you with the face. You know who you are. I hate you.
ANYWHO!
Registration was yesterday.
Had to wake up at 6. Ended up waking up at 7.
Still made it out of the house at 7:30.
I pulled up, there were 5 people there besides me. Well, 5 students. I don't count parents as people.
ANYWAYS!
So yeah, I'm there with them, and they're all my friends, so it's awesome. I'm happy.
I met a few peoples moms.
The person who is my "Father"'s mom adopted me and this other girl. So, that was pretty awesome. That makes... 5-6 moms I have?
Anywho. Skip the details.
Everyone was still hung up over my beard. And I KEEP GETTING MY FACE MOLESTED.
Got my new schedule though.
AP Gov/AP Econ in the following semester.
AP English Lit.
AP Calc BC.
Physiology.
AP Chem.
Bible as Lit.
I fucking love that schedule. Only, I've gotta drop the non APs to take other classes.
PE, because I didn't take it 10th, and dropped out last year.
Yearbook, because, well, if you've read my other blogs, you'll hopefully remember and I won't have to type it all out.
OH! God my new ID.
They gave me a new fucking locker.
In the building near where my old one was.
THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY OLD LOCKER! I LOVED THAT LOCKER!
Well, I hated it. It was a horrible locker, it was on the bottom half, I barely used it, and the guy who was above me was a douche.
BUT STILL! It was in the best building in the school. And, it was near all my friends. And I've had it for 3 years!
Mehhhhh... Bright side? My friends and I went to get our lockers together, so we're close. PLUS! Top locker. And we're all gonna decorate them... So, I suppose that's good.
Oh, and it'll save so much time for when I walk this girl to her locker, since we'll finally be in the same building... [Assuming we have those classes that require it together... I really hope we do. I dunno how I'll survive without her in the majority of my classes again.]
Ummm...
Today...
Freshman Orientation. I had to go work.
Why? Because I'm a mother fucking Knight.
So, I had to be clean shaven to look presentable.
Before I did that though, I gave myself a really hastily made, and poorly done goatee, and it was approved of by someone who supports my beard growing. So, I think I'll grow a goatee. Just for a while, to see how everyone else reacts.
I hate shaving though. Too much fucking work. The sink got clogged like 3 times [AFTER I TOOK OUT THE STOPPER!], and I couldn't even cut it with scissors to make it easier, because it took just as long...
Anywho.
Working, working, working, etc. Ran into a few friends who weren't working. Hung out with them while things started to die down.
Know what's fucking amazing? That I've got this friend, who I've known for a year-ish. I saw him daily, and talked to him all the time. BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HIS NAME! I've met his fucking mom, and I didn't know his name til today. And it's not like it was some weird name either, it was really common.
Oh, and I've got this one friend, who is just adorable. Like... everyone loves her. Yesterday, when I was doing my registration, she got up and hugged me, even though she was supposed to be working. And today, we were both working, so whenever we ran into each other we would hug and stuff. And while we were both taking a break, she had her head on my shoulder, and I had my head on her head, and then like... 5 minutes later, she's like "OH SHIT! I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TELL ________ SOMETHING!" So fucking funny... She spazzes out so much... And the way she reacts is just so amazing... Like, when she couldn't get a cookie, she looked like all the happiness in the world was gone, like there was no more hope... [Pretty much a Dementor attack. Extra points for Harry Potter? Yeah?]
Ummmmmm... Illegally gave a friend a ride. Like... 5 minutes after that guy whose name I didn't know asked me for one, she came up to me and asked for one. So, I said yeah. And then he was like "Oh, I know why you're taking her and not me." So, I looked up at him [He's like... 5 inches taller than me at 6'5"], and told him "Yeah, it's cuz you're black." And he starts laughing so hard...
I love my friends. They're such spazzes/idiots. I wouldn't have it any other way. OH! I also love my prom date. She's so awesome! Not only did she send me a post card from France, but she also got me a toy Double Decker bus from England. The one you pull back a little on the table, and it moves. I didn't think she'd get me a legitimate gift.
I got some sharpies today. 10 for $2.20. Fine tipped. Assorted colors. 4 black, 2 red, 2 blue, 2 green.
Oh look. My phone is ringing. And it says Research Center. I'm not gonna pick it up though. I'm too dedicated to finishing this for the two people left reading!
I discovered an amazing site today.
http://unhearit.com/#
Basically, it replaces the songs stuck in your head.
I kept getting Rick Roll'd though. And Wannabe... And Shut Up and Let Me Go.
Hopefully you'll have better luck if you check it out.
Ummmmmm...
I was supposed to have lunch with a friend today. Tacos to be specific.
Only, I hadn't eaten anything but a glazed donut and was ridiculously hungry when I got home. So, I had dinosaur chicken nuggets, and a few hours later when she texted me, I had to say I wasn't going...
Hmmmmmm...
I've gotta work again tomorrow, so I've gotta sleep early tonight.
Shouldn't be a problem, since I'm tired.
WHITE COLLAR AND COVERT AFFAIRS TONIGHT!
I'm so sad that next week is the season finale of White Collar.
BUT! At least Royal Pains is going to be back in January...
And Greek should be back on soon, as well as How I Met Your Mother [SEPTEMBER 20TH!], and Gleeeeeeeeee!
There's so much else I want to say.
But, this is long enough, and I've got to get off anyways.
Take care duckies.
See, I got lost in the sound. It was the moment I felt sick, just when I needed it most.
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