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Saturday, May 18
08:40 pm UTC -
Art History was quite possibly the hardest thing I've taken from AP. Calculus was pretty bad, but man, that Art History exam just had so much material on it. Gov is pretty easy, you should've done fine. Same for Lit.
Don't worry too much about your school not giving you credits for the class or not. There are a lot of times where it turns out that you'll have the credits but you'll still need to take a similar class because of your major requirements/general ed requirements or because you decided to go to Grad School which don't take AP scores.
Also, definitely enjoy these last couple of weeks before you're finally done. If your school doesn't make AP students have finals, you're about to be in for the best couple of weeks.
Friday, May 17
08:01 pm UTC -
永遠 Promise Scyth
I am done with AP tests forever! I took art history, calculus bc, English lit., government and politics, and macroeconomics. Art history was good, although I need the highest score possible to get credit from the school I'm going to, which sucks. I crammed hard for government and macroeconomics, and I feel I did well on those. Calc and English lit went smoothly as well.
Now it's time for me to enjoy my final weeks of high school before summer starts, even though I still have a couple projects left to do.. Anyways, life's been good!
Wednesday, May 15
09:57 am UTC -
- I feel a strange calm.
It's an unsettling calm. Like there's nothing wrong at all, but it's just the opposite in reality. I should be freaking out. I should be panicked and stressing out, and running to get more coffee. Actually, I should be running to get my first coffee of the day. Or first coffee of the night, I suppose, seeing as how it's 2:16 a.m., and I've been in the library for hours now. It's all in your perspective on the situation.
Regardless. I've got my Organic Chemistry final at 8 a.m.. I'm entirely unprepared. None of the studying I've done over the course of the past few days has helped. I've been holed up in the library for 10+ hours on a daily basis. Take the past three days for example. 8:30 a.m. - 10 p.m. on Saturday, 6 p.m. - 4:30 a.m. on Sunday, 3:30 p.m. - 5:30 a.m. was yesterday, stuff like that. I've got my friends who are taking this thing with me freaking out, sending me messages about how they can't do this, and I'm just spitting out the same words of encouragement, even though when I say that we're all going to do fine and pass, I don't believe a single word coming out of my own mouth.
And yet, the calm. It's a very literal calm before the storm I suppose. I might also just be dead inside at this point. That's a very likely possibility. I've lost all my sanity already, confining myself in this room. It's not that it's a bad place to be, it's just... I don't know how to describe the vibe it gives off. It's strange. When I look around, for some reason I think plain, but very dirty, white walls. But they're not. They're an extremely pale shade of green. Like they were a deeper shade at some point, but the lack of care for the student staff break room may have caused it to just fade into this very light pastel green over time. Ancient furniture, a microwave that's missing the button to open the door, another microwave that's like 20 years old, and the fridge... I... I've seen some things in there that will scar me for life. I forgot how disgusting it was and went to put my water in there last night. It was almost immediately followed by a "NOPE.", which was followed by a very quick slamming of the fridge door shut.
It's got positives though. Very quiet for the most part. Thicker walls, so we don't get all the ambient noise. Great WiFi signal since we're near a router. It's good for making friends, and getting to know your fellow employees from different branches. I've gotten to know a handful of the security who I've known from just working with briefly, but it's a nice change of pace to be able to sit down in the same room as them, talk and get to know them, find out their name, joke around, make fun of the patrons and swap horror stories. Oh, this is also one of the only 3 places in the building you're allowed food, so we're able to walk in and tell people they can't bring food into the Library as we carry our own food openly. I actually had a girl ask me at 3 a.m. why it was that I was allowed to carry in coffee, but she got checked when she was bringing in an open thermos from the same place I got my coffee.
In case you hadn't realized by now, I'm still frighteningly calm. And time is ticking for me. I've wasted another half hour just sitting here, typing, talking to someone from another branch that I'd never seen before, talking to my friend taking this final with me, explaining to her why something doesn't undergo a reaction. Which I suppose is why I'm a little calm. I feel like I'm more prepared for this final. I understand the material a little better, I can recognize reactions, I know why things work and don't work. I'm just not good at exams though. This is my second time taking this class, since I got a D last time. I'm looking at a D again, unless I pass this final. I don't know what I'll do if that happens. Take it a third time? Might just give up and see what happens. I could try switching my major to something that doesn't require Chem. But then I'll have gotten my GPA messed up for no reason, and I won't be able to live with myself if it comes back to bite me. So, I'm going to suck it up now. I'm going to put my shoes back on, go get some fresh air, go grab a coffee, and power through. I owe it to myself, and once I've finished this, I'll be free. It'll essentially be summer for me. I'll just have to work the next three days, take one of my finals online on my own time, and then the semester will be officially over. I'll have a month or so to recover my mental health, try and get healthier in general, and just relax. Then, summer school and back to the school routine.
Anyways, I should put my shoes back on now and get productive.
Wednesday, May 08
11:14 am UTC -
- It's quiet...
Too quiet. There's a disturbing lack of noise. I can hear the hum of the refrigerator, and the dull whirring of my laptop's fan. There aren't even any cars passing by. No usual drunken singing to be heard, no homeless people arguing outside, not even the wind blowing the blinds is making noise. Just the fridge, my laptop, and occasionally my phone going off. It's 3:51 a.m. and I'm up all alone, studying for my finals in the living room. And by studying, I mean that I managed to make it through half the lectures from the entire semester, ended up talking to a couple of friends, and am now not being productive. I should sleep soon. But I've got more work to do...
My bed is actually broken though. The slats that hold the mattress up are somewhat broken. None of them are broken in that they split, but the band that held the all equidistant and kept them in place isn't properly attached anymore. If I turn too suddenly in my sleep, it causes them to shift over too quickly and makes them fall out from the frame. So, I end up with the middle section of the left side of my bed dropping down, while the rest of it stays supported. I normally just pick up my mattresses and just slide them back into place, but I decided to try duct tape today. Hopefully it'll be strong enough to keep them from shifting too suddenly. I don't expect the fix to last, but school ends in a week and a half. I can just go buy new slats then. OR, I'll just go to Home Depot instead of back to IKEA, buy some thick plywood, cut out four holes where the pegs in the frame are, and just stick that on. It should be adequate.
Oh, another barrier to my sleep? We've got someone staying over. They're sleeping on my roommate's bed. My roommate usually sleeps out in the living room though, so that's fine. Except today he also went to sleep in our room, just on the floor of our room. Still fine, I have an empty bed. But, it makes it harder for me to get ready for bed. As in, clear everything off my bed, dispose of pants from the day, I can't put on my fuzzy socks since I can't find them in the dark (Yes, I have fuzzy socks. They were a present given to me somewhat jokingly and I LOVE them.), and it's more difficult for me to take my medicine to get to sleep.
On the bright side, I can still say nothing but amazing things about my laptop battery. I've been off the charger since... 10 pm? It's now 4 am, and it's been on this entire time, not in power saver mode. I've still got ~20% battery life left at that. Totally worth the investment. Would buy again.
I'm cautiously optimistic about today. It looks to be like it'll be a better day. I don't have work. Automatically good. I don't have any obligations until 5:30 p.m.. The 8th is payday here, so I just got my paycheck. Always a good thing. In exactly... 1 week and 7 hours, I will have finished my O Chem final and be on my way back to my apartment where I will proceed to pass out on my bed and do nothing until at least 6 p.m..
I still haven't seen Iron Man 3. I've been meaning to, and had plans to go see it over the weekend, but there's a complicated story behind why I ended up not going to see it. I've still got the Great Gatsby to look forward to when we're done with finals. That one, I will definitely get to see, since I'm going with two girls who are in love with a few of the people in the movie, and will definitely not be missing it their first chance to see it. Also because I live with one of them, and will give her so much crap about abandoning our plans.
I really don't know what else to say, but I also don't want to end this, since I really have nothing else to do, and am not sleepy yet... But I'm also not a very interesting person, so I won't have anything interesting to say.
Thursday, May 02
03:34 am UTC -
Mischievous Roasted Dango
Dango is what Dango does.